This will be my final entry in this journal. This step in my life is now complete, and with it, it is time to move onto a new journey and path. Where it will take me, I do not know, but I want to thank everyone for reading over the years. For the most part, it's been great. I'd like to close however, with one last entry, about something incredibly, incredibly important to me.

Tomorrow marks the end of my life as an undergrad student in college. At approximately 11 AM CST, I will have completed the first true goal of my life: graduating college. With it, I will become the first in my family to do so.

As much as I say that it doesn't matter much to be about graduating, in truth it does matter a lot. The ceremony and pomp and everything is not important. What is important, is how much this means for my family. My mom and stepfather both have done everything in their power to help me through the years, both in good and bad times. I can't even begin to repay them for all they have done and put up with for me.

I also cannot forget, in this late hour, how much school meant to my grandparents. My grandmother and grandfather both cared so much about my education, and wanted me to succeed so badly. Even in college, they were always interested in how school went for me, what I did (even if it was nothing, or something I couldn't really talk to them about, heh). They were always so happy to hear about how I was doing. They were looking forward to this day so much, it meant so much to them.

Unfortunately, I've learned all to well over these past few years, that life does not always go according to plan. From that phone call in Toronto at the end of August, 2003, and in that hospital room at the end of October, 2005, I lost two of the most important people in my life. They're gone now, but...not forgotten.

And they will be attending graduation with me tomorrow. We had special lockets made from both of them, each containing some of their ashes after the funeral and such. It was both of their requests to be cremated, and they gave mom permission to put them together in those lockets.

Whether it be myself, or my mother, we will be wearing those lockets to graduation tomorrow. See grandma and grandpa? You're going to see me graduate after all...Just like you always wanted. Even if for one day, one moment in time, you'll really be there with us.

And now that I'm graduating, I'll be able to tell you all sorts of new and exciting things going on with me. I can't wait to show you what all of your help and guidance, and most importantly, love, has done for me.

Just wait and see, I'm going to make you proud. I promise.

So much time has passed, that
I feel I somewhere lost my track
The purpose I started on this path
And now, look where its left me at

Five years, I may have lost my mind
One nerve left, last of its kind
The times were both good and bad
But I'll cherish the memories I had

For all the loves I had that cost
And the friendships gained and lost
Settling into the world of modern man
From lacking direction, to finding a plan

I've been searching so long
Things always going so wrong
Too much time spent in the back when
Too much on women still, both now and then

Not yet the man I think I should be
But step by step finding the real me
Each step remains a crazed maze
Waking up each morning to different days

To those I've lost, through the years
And all those for whom I've shed my tears
You shall always remain mea vita
As I close this chapter of my life, mea memoria

Well, my final college grades are officially in the records, now, just two days short of graduation. Overall, I turned out 2 As (Direct Study and Internship), an A- (Management) and a B (Sports Marketing, which I could contest, but won't). For the semester, my GPA ended up being 3.68, which puts me on the Dean's List for the 6th time (and 5th consecutive semester).

Ordinarily, this would not be such a big deal, or something to even mention in my livejournal. I try to avoid excessive bragging (a problem from my childhood that I've mostly managed to stop). Plus, truth be told, I'm sure plenty of people who read this lj are thinking "3.68? MY GPA was 4.0, so ha, stupid!" :D

The reason I mention these final grades is for something much more important than that. Coming into this final semester, my cumulative GPA was 3.471. Loyola does not round up when determining GPA, so I did not have a 3.5, the min. required to not only graduate with honors, but get accepted into most of the university's masters programs.

Once you add in my final four grades for this semester, my final college GPA is...3.50!

I literally meet the requirement at the very last moment, at the very end of it all. Literally, I was at 3.496 and awaiting my management grade (the last to come in). The last few days have been incredibly nerve-wrecking, but I can finally smile about it! I may not get mentioned at graduation (they base their honors mentions on 7th semester GPA), but it will be on my transcript. More importantly, that's one HUGE hurdle for grad school out of the way!

My GPA after one semester in college was 3.50. This brings everything full circle, and allows me to truly let college end on a happy note.

All that's left now, is graduation. And with it, the end of this journal's story.

It's a little late for this, I know. But I spent most of the weekend finishing up Kingdom Hearts. When I wasn't playing the game however, I was looking up and watching a lot of the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3)

Usually I come away from this conference happy and excited about the upcoming year. While I'm far from a fanboy of any of the systems (though I am a rampant Microsoft hater...boo Mr. Gates, boo), I've been most impressed with Sony's performances in recent years. They've just had the best console around for the last two generations, imo. I firmly expected them to continue being the console of choice for the next-gen systems.

After this year's E3, I guess I have to learn to live with some disappointment. Sure, the PS3 looks great. The games sound like a lot of fun, and exciting, to boot. I'll admit I liked seeing FFXIII, and a few other titles for it.

I'm NOT paying $600 for a fucking system. I don't give a shit about blue-ray technology. I also don't care if the system's technically a "deal" for the price it could be worth. To me, Sony's basically trying to push their shit through the PS3, and the price is suffering. What's more, I'm expecting games to cost approx. $70 a pop.

Sony may be the best of the systems, but it's not worth that much. How many families are going to spend that kind of money? Chances are (even if the wii hasn't stated a price yet) you could buy an Xbox360 AND a Wii COMBINED for cheaper than a PS3.

It's not like Nintendo's making things any better, however. The Wii looks too gimmicky to me. It strikes me as something that Nintendo fanboys, and probably critics will love. but when it comes down to it, I doubt it will sell any better than the Gamecube or N64.

What this leaves me with -and this pains me beyond all belief- is the XBox360. And sadly/surprisingly/annoyingly, the games don't look bad. Gears of War and Too Human seem like serious gaming. Mass Effect looks good too. Personally, 'm not a Halo fan, but Halo 3 should be fun too. Things are really looking up for them, in my opinion.

Overall though, I think the next console generation may turn out to be a disappointing one, based on whats currently on the big 3 company plans. I hope for the sake of game players everywhere that this is not the case. Only time will tell.

This is the last entry I will dedicate to this subject matter within this journal.

Faith never did end up coming to the MCA gig last Friday. First I received a few lame excuse text messages telling me something came up. I tried calling her once during the event, but she never picked up.

I later found out that she spent the weekend with (shockingly) her ex boyfriend. Coincidentally, by Monday they were back together. She's also been avoiding speaking to me all week. Also a coincidence, I'm sure. That's that.

It's time to end this shit.

I think I've spent more than enough time over the past few months, particularly recently, agonizing, bitching, and whining about the three headed monster known as Kristin, Klaudia, and Faith. I dedicated way too much of these last few months trying to either get in these women's pants, or trying to make myself appealing enough to have a relationship with.

Its taken me a lot of time, but I realize right now that none of these women at any point, were the right type for me. I suppose that's not entirely true though, I realized that long ago. But I deluded myself into thinking differently. Maybe it was because I'm a pretty lonely guy overall or something else, but whatever reason, facts are facts.

When I look at it...it seems silly. I mean, mentally, being with Klaudia would always be dangrous, seeing her penchant for attacking people with knives during self-induced panic attacks. Too many meds, too much mental shit, and just an overall pissy attitude.

Being with Kristin would mean always wondering and worrying about her faithfulness. She sleeps around and cheats. She also is a spoiled brat, and a gold digger. She uses people for attention. Frankly, I wonder how many STDs she has at this point.

Of these three, Faith's the one I feel the most pity for. I do think she's a nice girl, and if she and I had gone out I could have gotten over her flake-like behaviors. But she's got serious codependency issues, and I could never stay with someone like that. At the same time I don't think that'll be a problem, because if she continues her pace with this ex she's been back with 3-4 times, she's going to be 30 years old and in a miserable, abusive marriage with the guy and their four kids.

If I had gone about things differently, I could have either had sex or had a relationship with one or all of these women. Thankfully, I didn't. Now I realize, that I'm too good for any of them. Its their loss, not mine.

They lose in more ways than one though. Another thing I spent way too much time on with them is being their shoulder to cry on. I'm not Kristin's fucking voice of reason. I'm not Klaudia's therapist. I blame myself partially, for being an enabler. I know I'm generally a good listener, but I went way too far for them. Once more, I'm cutting that line now. If they want to remain friends, they'll have to come up with something more to talk to me about besides their own fucked up love lives.

It's true that I'd have liked to find happiness and a relationship, or even someone to hook up with. But I want it to be on my terms, and I want it to be with someone who makes me happy. Not someone who drives me nuts or causes me frustration with their goddamned games.

I appreciate the advice some of you have tried to give me throughout this process, I know you meant well. However, I think the advice was wrong. Not in theory or in principle, but for me personally.

I don't need your John Waynes. I don't need to just find someone and nail them. I don't need to complain or whine further about any potential lack of success. I am going to find someone who deserves me. There will be no dog and pony show, no fucking games.

She's going to be a lucky woman too, because she'll be with such a great guy.

86 pages. That's how long my independent study ended up, not including the appendix. I just finished this monster motherfucker. This project took me the entire semester, and is easily the greatest single undertaking I have worked on in my 17 years of schooling.

But it's done. And the best part is, this study is going to be the basis for all future ones within the department. That means everyone else will be based off the work I did on this project.

A little vindictive and petty, perhaps, but I'd prefer to think of it as the little "legacy" I'm leaving the department with.

In all seriousness though, this project was really long and tough. But in the end, I am pleased with how well it turned out.

So pleased in fact, that tomorrow I will celebrate. I don't have shit left after this anyway, except for the management final (which I may take tomorrow anyway) that's friday, so I can have a night of fun.

Conversation between myself and Faith tonight. A little background. We are going to attend this advertising/public relations event/dinner/party on the 11th together. Since neither of us really want to go for the "professional" aspects (free food and wine = fun), Faith suggested we go and get plastered before attending. Then we continued this blurb:

Faith: dont let me make out with any random people
Me: Don't worry, I'm not random. 8-)
Faith: oooo nice tom
Me: Wasn't it though? I thought so. ;-)
Faith: suggestive, but not too blatant

How smooth am I? :p I think after convincing her to not consider dating a 30 year old guy she's working her internship for, telling her she's hot, suggesting a makeout session, and then inviting her to attend the MCA event Friday night, that she may just have an idea that I'm interested in her. o.o;

If not, then we'll just have to go back to her place and confirm it.

This lj has turned into such a soap opera of late, ye gods. Oh well, at least my life has been interesting of late, if nothing else.

Today was another day of revelations and interesting twists and turns. I wanted to avoid Kristin like the plague on the bus and class, but because the shuttle was 20 minutes late, I got stuck sitting with her. She spent the entire time complaining about other guys that were pestering her. Quite annoying. Then, she kept bugging me about it in class. At this point, my patience with her was wearing thin, so I ditched her and some of my other friends just as class went out.

All remained fine until this evening, when she IMed me again to talk about (surprise!) the guys from yesterday. One guy in particular she was getting really paranoid about, wondering why he didn't IM her 10 minutes after signing on. I told her she needed to stop that, it was silly.

And that's when she admitted that she had been interested in me.

She explained that she did the same thing with me back in the fall, but she wasn't sure about her feelings. She and I got our messages mixed up, I thought she was angry back then when she wasn't, and vice versa. It was such a complete mess. And it could have all been avoided, had I just asked her out.

I could choose to look at this as something I regret. But knowing what I know now about her, I wouldn't date her anyway. So I told her the truth about how I felt about her back then. I suppose knowing about what she's like now, not having asked her out is a blessing. Plus, it really is a confident boost. Kristin is a step beyond what I previously had thought I'd be able to attract, in terms of looks in women. Klaudia too, tho to a lesser degree. yet both of them ended up being attracted and interested in me. Things may have been bungled up overall, but I honestly believe that was for the best in both cases (and if I am really ever desparate, I think I could get laid with either if I really wanted to).

It seems like the cycle is near completion with two of the three headed women monster that's been plaguing me this semester being wrapped up, more or less (Kristin and I still have some things to work out, but we'll be fine as friends, I think...). The only woman that remains is Faith.

The fact that Kristin was into me has given me more confidence in my efforts with Faith, even though Faith is actually a few levels above even Kristin in terms of physical attractiveness. We're going to go to a faculty dinner together on the 11th, we'll see how well that works out.

I'm still not sure I can believe the conversation I had with Kristin tonight. It almost felt like I was talking to a different person, it certainly did not seem like her at all.

The entire time I have known her, Kristin's never really been one to talk about things like sex life and the like. Before tonight, I always thought she was really quiet and reserved about it. I wasn't naive enough to believe she hadn't done it, but I figured she was monogamous at the least. I also figured aside from a few issues she had herself together more or less.

Wow, was I ever off.

She's telling me all these things tonight. Apparently, she needs sex constantly, and will stay in bad relationships just for it. She considers herself a bit of a slave to it, if you will. That's not a bad thing necessarily (to some guys, that'd be great, I'm sure). But then she started talking about how she was never content with her boyfriends, and always cheating on them. Anyone who knows me knows how much disdain I have for cheating in relationships, so obviously I wasn't happy to hear that.

What happened next though, was creepy. Kristin, in all seriousness, asked me to slap her and beat her up when I see her tomorrow, "because she's a bad person and cheats." I would never, ever, EVER do something like that. Why would anyone even ask for such a thing? I'm kind of wondering about her sanity at this point.

A few minutes later however, she lapses back into this...well, attention whor-ish mode. She starts talking about these guys she's in class with that she's talking to, and seeing if they are interested. But when she finds out they are, she tells them she's got a boyfriend. According to her, she just wants flirtation and attention.

That pisses me off in several ways. For one, she's toying with the guys she's talking with, being a total cocktease. If she knew for sure they wanted her, she'd be on them in a heartbeat. But b/c they don't tell her straight up (and how many people would, given that she admits to having a b/f?), she plays this stupid game. Meanwhile, she does all this while she stays together with the boyfriend. At this point, he's only there as a toy for her to fuck, basically. She doesn't want to be with him, she wants something new constantly. I called her out on that tonight, and her response?

"No, I'm not using anyone. These guys are cute!"

what the fuck is that?

To me, this seems like both a lack of mental stability and a need for attention. That's what she wants most. But to me it's just disappointing. Like I said, I know she's had some problems before, but I didn't think this was the type of person Kristin was. I could never, and would never want to, be with someone like her in a relationship. Mind you, I'm not saying it's bad that she doesn't want to be committed, to each their own. But the using and the cheating...I don't think I can even be friends with someone like that. It saddens me to see someone I was at least somewhat interested in for the better part of this school year, turn out to be, for lack of a better word, a skank?

I don't think there's much of a future between Kristin and I, as friends even. I don't like people with her values. She's welcome to do what she wants, but I don't want a part of the life of someone like her.

It's a shame it has come to this. It seems like a lot of people in my life have disappointed me through the first 1/3rd of this year. I'm starting to get used to it though. Too bad that's not a good thing.

There is so much going on right now in my life, it's ridiculous.

1. It looks like I'm going to try for grad school after all. I'm applying for a full time position in my office tomorrow. With it, I can go to school for free, albeit part time, for a few years. Would ultimately be worth the shitty pay.

2. My father and I talked again. We're going to try and at least get back to talking together. He and I have some serious issues to work out, especially regarding respect and when its deserved. But I can't not try to talk it out, despite every angry fiber in my being telling me differently. If it works, it does. If not, I'm content with moving on. Ball is in his court.

3. I had a perfect opportunity to ask Kristin out today, but I choked. Again. And it cost me lunch too, since I bought hers for her (long story). She kept saying no one out in loyola is interested in her. I'm starting to think she's as oblivious as I am about signs and hints. The other half of me thinks if I cannot ask her out after all of this, my subconcious has a damned good reason. I've asked women out before, I don't know why kristin is so tough.

4. As if I didn't feel loser-ish enough about the kristin thing, klaudia and I got into this huge debate about relationships. She closes relationships out, she wants to "bear her cross alone" (her words). She feels she's meant to be alone. I don't buy that. I think everyone chooses to be alone or not. She may believe she's meant to be alone, but it's not a cold hard fact of life.

While I am over her now though, I thought I'd see something. I asked her if she'd be interested in me if she weren't putting up these walls, and for her to be honest. I think she actually was. She said there would be interest but that she and I are just not compatible to the point of a relationship (it's true). Her reasons included 1. my virginity 2. my perceived irresponsibility and 3. (this one I don't get) my lack of passion or ambition. It was nice to hear a woman i at least am attracted to be blunt and honest about it. I get tired of women telling me they just don't think things will work or come up with some other excuse. Truth may hurt, but at least I know what areas to work on more. And all the things klaudia mentioned (except the passion part) are true enough. So we'll see what I can do about them.

5. WE HAVE A NEW KITTY! His name is Rufus, and he's a kitten, about 6 months old. Black and white. He's SOOOOO cute and friendly. He demands belly rubs on a constant basis. If I ever get around to some free time, I shall post pictures.

6. Chicago White Sox = 18-7. 'nuff said.

7. Remaining assignments until graduation:
Advertising brochure = due 5/3
Intern Final Report = due 5/8
Advertising final = due 5/10
Management final = due 5/12
Direct Study project = due 5/12

And that's it.

The tale begins Friday afternoon. I had ditched my internship, finished working down at loyola, and met up with Klaudia to chill for an afternoon/evening (she had been having a difficult week, thought I'd be nice and friendly). We walked her dog, then watched Memoirs of a Geisha (overrated film, imo), and all was good.

And then we played drink Monopoly. In case you're not familiar with the rules of this game, let me explain. It's like regular Monopoly, except that every time one's piece lands on "community chest" "chance" or "Free Parking" they have to take a shot of some alcoholic beverage. Not thinking rightly, I figured it wouldn't happen that often, so I decided to play. Unfortunately, while Klaudia got to drink a watermelon martini, I got my all-time great nemesis, a large bottle of tequila.

I don't know if I've mentioned it here before, but of all the various types of alcohol, tequila is the one drink that really gets me drunk and sick quickly. Nevertheless, I played anyway. And boy was that a mistake.

From what I can remember...I hit one of the "Shot spots" at least 13 times in the one hour we played, before the two of us decided to quit. From here, what happened the remainder of the evening is anyone's guess. All I do remember from that period, is that I puked. A lot.

Blackouts and puking are so not my style. That's the first time in my life I'd done either one while drinking. 13 tequila shots in one hour with almost no sleep the night before, and little food, is also not the brightest of moves.

Anyway, I wake up at 1:30 AM saturday morning. Somehow I'm wearing a different shirt, and I'm in my boxers on Klaudia's couch. I proceed to puke into a tub next to me...This process is repeated several times more in the next 8-9 hours.

The rest of this morning/afternoon was spent hungover/sleeping on Klaudia's couch. Apparently I managed to puke not only all over myself, but her and her living room carpet too. I shorted her new computer adapter, and she still cant get the stains out of the floor. She also had to take off the internship, b/c I couldn't get a ride home (and I was in less than able-driving condition) until 5:30 PM. In order to get home I had to walk through the rain for an hour, wearing klaudia's pants which were two sizes too big for her (she's slightly larger than I am).

Anyways, that's my tale. I'm home now, and still feeling slight hangover effects (ie. nausea, headache, stomachache, etc.). I also have done none of my homework this weekend, meaning tomorrow's gonna be a LOT of fun. Including washing the puke-stained clothes. (My fav. Express shirt even!)

Stupid fucking family won't stop singing "Tequila" to me now...bah. I need something...not alcohol though, for once. :p

So it looks as though Faith (of all people) and I are going to go out on Wednesday after class. Still not sure what we're going to do, or even if this qualifies as a date. But she does seem to want me to go out with her pretty bad. She was upset that I wasn't going to be able to go out with her and her friends tonight, but at least she's having a few irish car bombs for me. :)

Originally I was gonna start saying how even if it's just going out as friends, it'll be nice. But that's bullshit. This is a potential opportunity. She's been friendly with me enough, and she wants me to hang with her enough. I know she hasn't been looking for relationships, or so she's said to me in regard to other guys, but I think we've all learned (or at least I have, through my endeavors with Klaudia) that women only say that when they're not interested in the particular guy.

On Wednesday, I'll do one of two things.

1) Not going to talk, just move. And if she stops me, I can merely say "oops, I thought you were into me like that." nothing wrong there.

or

2) I will tell her that her ex was a shithead, and she deserves someone better, who will treat her right. And that someone is me.

I'm leaning toward #2, but I'm open to opinions. With the right approach, maybe I'll spend Wednesday night in her apartment.

...not playing videogames, I mean... *cough* I am such a geek. :p

To everyone who helped me with research for the stupid marketing project. I don't have it written out yet (I may not get a chance to), but at least I have a shot at getting a passing grade now. Without help, that wouldn't even be possible.

So now the powerpoint is done, and I have enough of an outline where I think I can give my lazy-ass group memebrs something to spit regurgitate. The only negative is, the one guy who isn't available (he's most likely in the hospital, he had a spinal tap on Tuesday), is the one who did all the uniform designs and shit. I worked the presentation as best I could without his information or anyone's brainstorming ideas, but it could have been so much better...

Oh well. I'm just thankful anything's done, and chances are good that I'll still pass the class. I've still got a lot of work left to do, but that's for another day.

Now, I sleep.

I was dreading tonight. I knew that attempting to talk to my father would result in world war III, but it had to be done. If there was going to be any attempt at keeping a relationship together with him, talking would be the only way through it.

Unfortunately things went about how I expected, if not worse.

Originally, I was going to be confrontive and call him out on some of his bullshit. But that method has never worked with him in the past, so I tried being reasonable and keeping a relatively calm and civil tone. Too bad he wasn't willing to do the same.

Actually, he started off relatively civil himself, but as the conversation progressed he began to light into me about things that never even happened. He even had the nerve to make up some bullshit story about what my mother told him happened St. Patrick's Day weekend. At one point, he even threatened to drive up to Joliet to try and wake my mom (who's sick) out of her sleep to prove his point.

On top of all that, he has the nerve to continually try and degrade everything I have ever done. Apparently going to college full time while doing an internship and part time job, with 4 hours of commuting a day isn't working hard enough. He claims he's got some perfect life. If you call having a broken down house, a family that's more often than not scared of him, and a job that's going to lead him nowhere except broke perfect, then sure. Not quite how I see it though.

Ultimately, my mother had to step in as a mediator between the two of us again, mainly b/c he refused to stop until he spoke to her. Now I'm supposed to talk to him in a couple of days. Dunno what use that will be though. I think it's finally at that point where the relationship between him and I is beyond repair.

The next time I speak to him may be the last. I have to decide if this bullshit is worth all the frustration its giving me. Supposedly you only have one father, but he's not it for me. My stepdad is more of a father than he will ever be. Hell, I'm not even related to this guy by blood. All the bullying he tries to do, how he tries to manipulate the situation and turn everyone against each other, the lying...I'm fed up with all of it. It took me over an hour to stop shaking from anger after that phone conversation.

At this point, I don't think there is any turning back. The shit has hit the fan, and the wheels have been set in motion for something that probably should have been done a long time ago - putting him out of my life for good.

Too much going on, not enough time to relax. I'm so drained, it's becoming noticable by people, even at work. If I don't catch some breaks soon, I really am going to have an ulcer or something. :(

I think a lot of my problems would be solved if I just stopped associating with crazy people.

Especially crazy women.

And most especially my father.

A list of lovely things that happened today

1. Pierre confirmed he lost the free Cubs tickets. No game on Wednesday now.

2. Kristin cannot meet with me for lunch at all this week.

3. People at work decided to talk about Kristin and I, while I was at my internship. I prefer it kept private.

4. Found out sport marketing group still has not done anything on project, is going to force me to do this all last minute.

5. My mom made the mistake of calling my father today. He went on a tirade about what an ungrateful bastard I am, made up a bunch of shit, and claimed he'd have kicked me outta his house if I had gone out like I did on St. Patty's, while living with him.

6. Being yelled at by a number of people about me wanting to ask Kristin out period. Told I can do better, etc.

7. Spent 5 hours during internship today trying to get promotional fliers distributed to area of Chicago where apparently the only language spoken is Japanese. It was like pulling teeth, and half of them still didn't understand what I was saying.

What a rotten day. Oh well. Tomorrow's another day.

I spent most of the weekend (the portion that I haven't wasted doing homework, that is) thinking about what I wanted to do with Kristin. I think I know what I want to do, which is a good thing, given how I've behaved in the past with women. o.o

So i'mma try and meet her for lunch tomorrow if possile. If not tomorrow, maybe Wednesday (if it turns out I don't go to the Cubs/Reds game). Either way, I'm going to have lunch with her. I'll start out by letting her know that I was interested last winter, and it just isn't something I want to regret not having said.

Depending on how that goes, I will decide when to talk about possibly dating now. I'm going to tell her straight up that I wouldn't date her while she's with this other guy, but if they do ever break up I would really like to be able to take her out sometime.

I'm not going into this expecting a favorable response. Would I like to go out with her? yeah, I guess I still would. If she doesn't give that kind of favorable response, well, that's life, right?

The fact of the matter is, I graduate in about 5 weeks. If things go bad I never have to see her again. If she wants to remain friends at least, that's cool too. If not, well...she isn't the friend she claims she wants to be anyway, so that's her problem too. This is about as low-risk a situation as I see myself in anytime soon. While I know I should be used to taking more risks by now, I'm trying to start back up slowly. Maybe it will all work out for the best. Here's hoping so.

( Read More ... )

OK, I thought I was over everything with Kristin. She's got a boyfriend now, and I was settled to moving on. But then this IM conversation (the one in the cut) happened tonight, and now I'm not sure what to do.

Things I'm wondering:

Does she know I was interested in her?
Does she want me to tell her I am now?
Is she interested in me?

I've talked to several people and got several diff. reactions. So now I want your reactions, folks. What do you think I should do? Right now I'm leaning toward telling her about my feelings at lunch next week. But is this just a trap? I'm so confused. Damn mind games.

Also, for the record, Kristin knows I have lj but does not have a journal herself. She also knows I write about her, so she can check the entry at her convenience.

Advice needed. Badly. HELP!

You can only say YES or NO!
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments to the entry and asks.

Have You Ever...

Taken a picture naked? No.
Made out with a member of the same sex? No.
Danced in front of your mirror? Yes.
Told a lie? Yes.
Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes.
Been in a fist fight? Yes.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes.
Been arrested? No.
Left your house without telling your parents? Yes.
Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes.
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? No.
Seen someone die? Yes.
Kissed a picture? Yes.
Slept in until 3? Yes.
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes.
Played dress up? No.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes.
Felt an earthquake? No.
Touched a snake? Yes.
Ran a red light? Yes.
Had detention? No.
Been in a car accident? Yes.
Pole danced? No.
Been lost? Yes.
Sang karaoke? Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.
Kissed in the rain? No.
Sang in the shower? Yes.
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? No.
Ever gone to school partially naked? No.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.
Played chicken? No.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No.
Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? No.
Broken a bone? Yes.
Mooned/flashed someone? No
Forgotten someone’s name? Yes.
Slept naked? Yes.
Blacked out from drinking? No.
Played a prank on someone? Yes.
Felt like killing someone? Yes.
Made a parent cry? Yes.
Cried over someone? Yes.
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? No.
Had/Have a dog? Yes.
Been in a band? No.
Drank 25 sodas in a day? No.
Shot a gun? Yes.

A conversation with Dan in today, allowed me to really think about how I feel about things. Even before the events of the past few days began, I had been having issues with what I perceived was a lack of trust around certain groups of people from Ran's place. It's the same reason I have had issues with other people's lj's, when they badmouth peolpe in their private journals, where people cannot see them.

I truly think those type of acts are a form of deception. It makes me wonder, if they are going to do that about people they don't like, what happens when a person does not like me? Do I become fodder for private journal entries? More important than me however, what happens if a friend of mine gets on someone's bad side? Do they become said fodder?

From a personal standpoint, if someone has an issue with me, I want to hear it from them. If they were badmouthing me in their lj's behind my back, I would be far more hurt, and even feel a bit betrayed. I don't know this for sure, but I'd guess most people wouldn't want to be in that position either. It leads to hurt feelings and anger, and a huge mess.

To me, some people seem too afraid to upset anyone, to tell them their true feelings, how they feel. Not all people, but from my perspective, more than a few. Through doing that, it only hurts more. And then when situations happen, and it all hits the fan, you can't tell what is left to believe, or who.

Perhaps my actions these past few days were not the best method of eliciting a response from people, and I certainly could have chosen my words better. However, making my personal issues private would not work. If it's a trust issue and you keep it private, who's to say you'll get any real reaction? The only way I could guarantee some real kind of response was to bring it out in the open, and hope that maybe something would break through, that the lines of communication would open.

In a way, I think it was my last ditch effort to reach out to some people. There's a group of people I have found myself not being able to trust for a long time now. At least not trust fully. I care about those people a great deal, and have tried to remain friends despite this lack of trust I find growing by the day. The more things that are done in private, the more I see people being excluded, or ostracized...The more I question whether there is even friendship there at all. I think these people know how I've felt about these types of behaviors through my actions, so this probably comes as little surprise. Friendship is based on trust, and if you do not have that, what is there?

At this point, I don't think I can continue trying to maintain those type of relationships. Without trust, there is nothing left for me. There will be no more running around starting arguments. People do not change unless they want to, and no matter how much I would like to see change happen, I have to realize the fact that I cannot control it.

I can however, choose not to interact with people I do not trust. Which is what I think I am going to start doing. This isnt a matter that needs to be addressed by everyone, and it's not something I feel any particular need to explain further. It's life, and that's that.

At least this has to be addressed, b/c I do not appreciate this accusation.

Lessee...in response to Ro and her "lovely" little comment in chat this morning...No, I do not support rapists. I just don't support how you and many others treat other people. I think you bully them and act extremely cliquish. But I by no means, support a rapist.

This entire situation actually reminds me of the Lanny situation a few years back. I wouldn't stop talking to or being civil with him, b/c for a long while he had done nothing to me. That seemed to piss a lot of people off as well (including, go figure...mandy!) He did some horrible things too, as I recall. Until he started attacking me however, I did not hold him any ill will.

The internet is the internet. And I'm not going to judge someone unless they treat me badly. I can't be expected to judge people who I don't know. I will however, express my opinions freely and openly to people I consider "friends."

Vanessa feels that lj is a place where people comment to "pat each other on the back," "tell them they're loved," etc. Well, I don't feel that way. If someone says something I dislike, I call them out on it. If they say something I feel is wrong, I call them out on it. I'm not going to give someone a high five when they make a racist comment in my direction.

As a friend, I feel I do have the right to tell people when I think they are behaving in a manner that's inappropriate, or wrong, as the case may be. And they have the right to tell me the same. I'm not telling people they can't attack me right back, and more or less I've done a pretty good job of keeping up with the responces (given how many posts there have been about this particular issue, anyway).

I understand all too well that my views are not anyone else's. My opinion is obviously not the popular or wanted one. Be that as it may, it's mine, and I'm going to continue with going by what I feel is right.

If you have a problem with it, if you don't want to be friends with me anymore, hey, that's your call folks. I had fun times with all of you, and I still consider everyone a friend. But if you think this one incident (or repeated, in some cases, b/c I have had this argument with several of you before) is enough to end a good friendship, by all means.

One person already has taken me off their friend's list b/c of it. In her case, I find her to be rude, unreasonable, and downright insulting, so I particular don't mind her absence. However, the rest of you have more or less been cool with me over the years. It's your call, 'm cool either way.

So no one apologized

No one is going to

Each party is at least mildly irritated with the other

No one's opinion has changed

No one's opinion will change

All in all, I'm satisfied with today. How about everyone else?

So, yeah, I got stuck in the middle of a fight yesterday.

Lemme give some backstory, this one is truly genius. For my sports marketing class, we have a group project. Ours is due in 3 weeks and we have NOTHING done (except for me, who's done research and has several parts pretty much taken care of).

So I e-mail the others in my group on thursday, tell them they need to come up with 10 ideas to get this project running (marketing plan for the toronto blue jays). I give my 10, another guy (Guy A) gives his 10...and then the third guy (Guy B) gives his "10" which includes 7 repeats of what me and guy A said.

Guy A doesn't like this, and calls Guy B on it in e-mail. Guy B responds with "Fuck you, maybe my ideas came first, I don't like your ideas so fuck off." Guy B is upset.

Flash forward to yesterday afternoon. Given how little time we have left, I call the group together after class so we can discuss where we're going from there. I get in between guys A and B to prevent fighting right there, b/c they immediately start at it. After getting the two fuckheads to shut up, I detail what we need to have ready by Thursday for class. They need to decide what parts they want to do. Thinking that we're squared away, I bend down to get my briefcase.

And that's when it starts. Guy B kicks Guy A in the nuts, and then takes a swing at his eye. Meanwhile I'm still stuck in between them! >.<

Stupid fuckheads. The professor had to come over and help us tear them off each other. The professor's a dumbass too, and didn't do anything about it. Guy B left in a huff, while Guy A stayed and talked to me and our 4th group member about the project. I forced Guy A back to the prof, and he said it was up to us whether Guy B stays in the group. Guy B is a high-strung sociopath whom I personally wouldn't want to work with if I had a choice, but it's up to Guy A and this stupid prof.

Teamwork...WOO!

I hate group projects. I hate school. 6 1/2 weeks...that's all that's left...yes...

I wanted to go see nakkie women are gay bars last night. I would have too, if not for being sick. Damn you fever!

Actually, I did end up at Klaudia's place for a few hours, b/c I was gonna help her with some film documentary she was doing. Problem is, the video recorder wasn't working. She was not happy.

I got to meet a few of her other friends though. Nick and Ben (Ben was at the club with us last week, but...still). Nice guys, geeks too. I think that's why we all got along so swimmingly. Klaudia definitely has a psychological tendency to make friends with harmless geek-like men, spending time there for only a few hours yesterday proved that.

It was fun though. Main highlight? While playing Tim Crisis 3...

ZOMBIE NINJA COWBOYS EATING PUDDING AND TAKING RPG SHOTS TO THE HEAD!

Yes, it was much fun. And I wish I could have stayed, but the fever was getting worse, so I bounced at about 9. Didn't get home until about 11:30, and was dead tired, so I slept. And then I woke up and realized I have lots of homework today...YAY!

The pun was too much to resist.

Anyway, out of nowhere, yesterday morning I felt this strange feeling of unfounded confidence. There was no particular reason for it, I just felt like I could do anything, and would do anything.

So at that very moment, I decided I was going to ask that Faith chick out next time I see her.

I know this is a bad idea, in theory. Everything about it screams bad idea, from how she got out of her last relationships, to how she talks to me as the "we're good friends" type, to how she claimed to me she bitched out a blind date b/c he wanted to date more and she wasn't up for committment. She's also much better looking than I would normally expect myself to be capable of dating.

Yet somehow something keeps telling me to press on. I don't want to make an ass of myself, but I just feel like being reckless and doing something really not normal for me.

Pierre pointed out all the reasons this wasnt a good idea too, I have to agree he's got valid points. Yet I can't help it.

I've gotta have faith. :p Preferably naked.

REAL Chronology of events from Friday night

prologue

6-8 PM
Came up with plans to go out to bars, with ultimate goal of getting CRUNK'D. Pierre meets up with me at Loyola's Water Tower Campus first, and b/c he worships me, waits there with me (for no good reason) until Dan gets there. Then proceed to wait for Klaudia and her friend to get ready so we can go out.

8-9 PM
Proceed to Fado, an irish pub/bar in the chicago area. Upon realizing the line was a half block outside the door, we decided that perhaps next year we would reserve in advance. Being the leader that I am, I decided we needed to go elsewhere, and let Klaudia know. From there, we ultimately agreed we should go to club Deja Vu, up on Fullerton. Klaudia got us in without a cover, which was very nice. Nice indeed.

In Da Club

9 PM
We get to club, and immediately Klaudia gives us beads. Dan was afraid of them and pierre flashed Klaudia his man boobs, but I accepted happily. Drinks came next. I chose my alcohol of choice (rum and coke...mmmm...), while pierre pussied out and had a few cosmos.

9:30 PM
Klaudia felt my lap was comfy, so she sat there when she wasn't getting beat by Dan in pool. Pierre starts pretending to get drunk. Ben (klaudia's friend) is cool, and we chat it up a bit.

11:00 PM
After about 5 drinks apiece, Dan decided he needs to start heading home, b/c he has to drive. I tried to keep him from leaving drunk, but he wouldn't have it. So, he left, but I made him call me when he got home safe, b/c I'm cool like that. Pierre meanwhile, pretended to be "really happy," but we could still tell he was faking. Klaudia meanwhile, had started dancing with some fun low lifes at the club. More on these folks later.

11:15 PM
Pierre, apparently trying to be cool (he should know better), asks Klaudia to give him dancing lessons. Klaudia obliges and takes him on dance floor. Ben and I have a really good time making fun of him, and I took pictures. Much enjoyment was had. Ben leaves

11:30 PM
Feeling Pierre posed a capable challenge in being the worst dancer ever, I couldn't say no when Klaudia asked me out there. Proceeded to win back my title as worst dancer ever, and then some. Apologized several times for sucking at that. Thanked god that no pictures were taken.

1 AM
Pierre and I were too cool to try and hook up with the women there, so we sat there and contemplated life. The two low lifes joined us for brief times, talking about their player skills and crack. Klaudia kept dancing with them though, and showed a genuine lack of respect for her own body. she did enjoy mentioning how big her chest was about 100 times though.

1:45 AM
After much arguing and fighting, Pierre, Klaudia and I get to the upstairs VIP room (they were being dicks at the club). As soon as we found a couch that wasn't reserved for some other fucks, we collapsed in it.

VIP fun

2:00 AM
Klaudia and I cuddle on couch, Pierre sits alone next to us. Possibly crying, only minus the possibly part. Klaudia and I dance again, b/c she wanted to further bask in the greatness of the world's worst dancer. I obliged.

2:30 AM
Low lifes come back. One very large dude from Joliet proceeds to walk up to Klaudia and grab her boob. Pierre and I debate fighting him, and realize we would not have fared well. He was large and muscular, and we are not. Plus, Klaudia asked for it by purposly making skanky comments and showing off her cleavage all night. So we felt bad, but she kinda asked for it. Klaudia then gets upset, and we hail a cab back to her place.

3-4:30 AM
We had a three way...videogame session. Time crisis. I shot it up gangsta style, and was too cool to save my shotgun bullets. Pierre hid from ninjas, while Klaudia and I killed everything. Pierre also tried to eat Klaudia's chihuahua. Evil man. We finally leave, when Klaudia realizes she has work in the next few hours.

5:00 AM
Pierre and I are on a bus to his place. At the end of the line, a fight breaks out b/c some stupid bitch didn't pay for her ticket. She wouldn't stop swearing either. Cops were called, and we laughed.

5:30 AM
Pierre offered me the chance to sleep in his bed. Even offered me some of his trail mix, if you know what I mean. But I had to turn down his repeated requests. Proceeded to lie awake for 2 hours, b/c all the caffeine from the rum and cokes had made me hyper and non-groggy, even after being up 24 hours straight.

The morning after

7:30 AM
"Woke up", pierre kicked me out of his place without saying more than 2 words. I had the feeling he was experiencing deja vu...

9 AM
After walking around the loyola lake shore campus for a while, realized I should eat, and fulfilled that need via McDonalds. Egg McMuffin...mmm..

10:00 AM
Dan came to McDonalds, and we proceeded back to his place. Mom was getting sick and bitchy though, so decided against staying out for another night

11:00 AM
Trevor came over, and we chilled a little, then decided to head out to Joliet.

1:00 PM
First decided to check out sports bar by joliet mall. When we got there, we realized the mullet to non-mullet ratio was 10:1. Crazed butch woman told us she wouldn't bite. Trevor loudly stated that we didn't belong there, and I led the guys out as quick as possible. Then ate lunch at TGI Friday's.

3:00 PM
Finally home, realized I hadn't slept for nearly 2 full days, and collapsed. Also laughed at Pierre's dancing once again.

I love having st. patrick's day and my birthday in the same weekend. Time to go out Lil John style...

YEAH!

You know, every time I write one of these, it makes me sick to my stomach. If you remember correctly, about 6 months ago I wrote one of these for Peter Solari, Fred's son.

My connection to them? One of my best (and longest) friends, Dan - Fred's son and Peter's brother.

This is twice in six months now someone in Dan's family has dropped dead overnight. Just yesterday Dan was at my house, we were hanging, playing videogames, goofing around, and having a good time. Dan's father called several times that night asking Dan when he was coming home, in part to annoy and part for fun (he was a goofy, but fun guy).

And now...like 12 hours after that...he's gone.

I really wish I knew what to say to Dan right now, but even I'm at a loss for words. It's hard enough to lose one family member to a sudden death, but 2 in such a short span? I mean, what the fuck? His family and my family have been close ever since our freshman year of high school, it's really painful to see this happening.

And it also furthers my questions about any higher being. I see things like this, to a family that really was about as nice as they come...and I can't figure it out. I don't buy the argument that everything happens for a reason, and that there's some possible divine plan in store that will make this ultimately make everyone the better and stronger. Complete and utter bullshit. That family is never going to be the same. Now it's only Dan, his younger brother (2 months short of graduating high school), and his mom. A family of 5 down to 3, just like that.

There's nothing fair about it. There's nothing right about it. And I find it hard to believe that any higher being that supposedly was all loving and all that would allow it. It's a shitty deal and is going to forever hurt them. It's just not right. Especially the way it happened. There was no way for anyone to prepare for either death. And now the family business might be in danger, who knows if they'll be able to keep their house. This could very easily crumble the rest of that family.

It's just not right. Fred was a good man, and a good father. Like I said, a bit goofy, but always a funny and nice man, who loved his family more than anything. I'll always respect a man like that.

RIP Mr. Solari.

Has anyone seen this shirt? The one spoofing Brokeback Mountain with Bush and Cheney in place of Ledger and Gyllenhal? Hilarious.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

I know I should be using these days off to catch up on homework. But I don't know. It's possibly the last break 'll have for a long time. I should be making the most of it...

Well, to be fair, I wasn't really planning on doing any work this weekend anyway. Tuesday-Thursday are prolly going to be the days I do my work. esp. after Friday's marathon at the MCA (another First Friday event. Exhausting, though fun). It's just now I wonder how much I'm going to do at all.

Also, Faith is a very annoying woman. She dumped her current boyfriend, b/c her PREVIOUS ex was causing trouble. I guess the current boyfriend had the previous one's number on his cell, and Faith noticed it...so she dumped him. How silly. She's hot though, so 'm sure she'll skate through life. :p

Wow, it's late. 2:30 almost. Bah. Guess I'll be sleeping in again tomorrow. Now, Beavis and Butt-Head shall keep me amused.

So I'm thinking of getting a myspace account. I hear its a good way to meet the fly bitches I mentioned in my previous entry. LJ hasn't helped me do anything except piss off a lot of those fly bitches.

...Using the words "fly bitches" repeatedly prolly doesn't help either, upon further reflection. :p

Oh, and welcome to spring break, motherfuckers. 1/2 way through this semester already. Damn, I need to start doing some job hunting. :(

Here's hoping this month turns out better than last. And if not, here's hoping I combat the horrors with much alcohol.

Oh, and bitches. Fly bitches combat bad months fairly well.

So I've been angry the last few days. The lovely Leila (whom I am not angry at) has a new lj icon/avatar. It was a picture done for her by one of my exes, Dani.

Those who know about Dani and I know that when we were together it was only a short amount of time, but even then she and I fought too much. Even after that she and I decided to remain friends, but we'd occasionally fight over whatever shit for whatever reason. It just came naturally for us, I guess. She has this unique tendency of disappearing whenever she's angry, and ignoring/hiding from people. Granted I've done some of that myself of late (at least the latter), but this is a constant thing with her. Suffice to say, we don't have a pretty history.

Anyway, about a year ago Dani promised to draw a picture for my birthday. It wasn't a huge deal and I would have understood if she'd just said she was too busy to draw it eventually. She just kept saying she was "too busy." But then Leila got her picture done. That struck me as both odd, and unfair at the same time, so I decided to ask her about it.

First she ignored me. And then she told me to fuck off and "threatened" not to draw for me even longer (how this is exactly a threat, I don't know). By this point, I was pretty pissed off. And I admit, I went off on her for it via e-mail, an entire letter that while not my finest (or most tactful), was still generally approprirate. Even calling her a cunt seems appropriate, even now. :p

It would seem however, that Dani deleted it.

I hope she read it, but from what it looks like she didn't. That pisses me off. All that good work, for nothing. God, what a cunt. *grumble*

I prolly shouldn't be going off on the stupid bitch like this on livejournal, but eh. Can't say I care much if she finds out or not. what's the worst she can do, threaten to send her furry friends after me? That's a scary thought. :p

I would have preferred to remain friends with her, until this whole shit started. I'd been pissed at how she was treating me for a while now, and this was sort of a last straw scenario. There was a time when I would have wished her well.

Now I wish she'd just plain rot.

I like Madonna. Despite her being older than shit, and her kabbalah obsession nearing that of idiocy, her music maintains its freshness even 25 years later.

I don't know if I'mma buy her new album, but I was watching TRL tonight, and Sorry her new single, was #1. Not bad for a woman in her mid 40s. Hitting that kind of a young audience is no easy task.

I've always liked her music though. Ray of Light is still my favorite of her albums, followed by Like a Prayer. But this new song may have convinced me to at least listen to the new album, if not buy more songs.

5 days might not seem like a long time to you but I happen to have a different perspective. :)

Yeah, I'll admit I was being more than a tad melodramatic over the weekend. I was pretty depressed. Still am, truth be told. But I needed to relieve some stress, and what better place to do that than writing a seemingly semi-suicidal entry and having people worry about me? yeah, attention whore drama queen numero uno. For that I apologize.

One of the reasons I left was because I didn't feel like I was treating my friends right (ironic my first responce was to isolate myself away from everyone, that screams good friendship, I know). Really though, through conversations with a few choice people I came to realize that the problem wasn't that so much as the fact that I treat the friends who care about me most like crap, and let the "friends" who really don't care about me much walk over me. Several events in the past few weeks have led me to realize just how much I was letting people like that bother me.

So now I'm making more of an effort to stop being such a pussy. Being respectful and being walked on are two different things, I have to remember that. I'm rather tired of being the straight man and the butt of a lot of jokes by people. I know I don't help myself by being self deprecating. I'm going to try and stop that too.

Here's hoping it all goes well.

As incredibly emo as it sounds, I'm pretty sure I've decided to take a bit of a break from people. Most likely, y'all won't be seeing or hearing from me for a while, so if you wanna take me off your friend lists, that's fine. I've disabled replies on this entry. Please do not e-mail me asking what's wrong. If I want to talk to anyone, I'll do so.

pax

It looks like it's back to the drawing board
I'm watching myself fall apart again
Looking for safety somewhere behind myself
But finding I don't know where I end or begin

So much is going on, there's too much too fast
No matter what I try to do, I'm losing my mind
If the path I've chosen is wide open
Then I don't see it, I must be going blind

It's easy to make believe you're happy
Laugh like there's not a care in the world
To tell others everything's okay when it's not
To make believe all that's rusted is gold

There's a scared and vulnerable man inside
Who lets himself and others turn him to victim
Willing to offer nothing, bit by bit losing pride
The hand that feeds coming back slowly to bite him

I'm sick from bringing nothing but disappointment
The bitter promise of another day set in place
Everything I've worked so hard for, now lies broken
Everyone I've loved has thrown it back in my face

I'd like to say I can start it all over again
But in this life there is only so much opportunity
I think maybe this time I've used up my last chance
And now I should learn to love my self-made futility

My parents were livid with me tonight. Why? Because I said I was against abortion in most situations, and felt it would be best if the courts decided on whether abortions were acceptable on a case by case basis.

It annoys me. So much about the abortion debate is subjective. There are certain points in the debate that we cannot factually claim as truth. Yet people fight endlessly about it as though their side has actual real facts. Things like when life begins is completely subjective. I'm not saying one side is right or wrong, I'm just saying my opinion on the matter. And yet the family gets all pissy about it, b/c it's not what they believe.

Only one letter separates "books" and "boobs." I just realized that today.

Suddenly, it all makes sense. Everything.

So for a change 'm staying and hanging around campus on a Friday night. Usually my friends complain 'm never around on Friday nights, but this time, for a change, I AM!

This would be great, except all my friends are busy. ALL OF THEM.

Nothing to do, nowhere to go. I would go drinking but even I am not willing to go out and pay to drink alone. x.x

So I was at Klaudia's place last night, right? Only a few hours, but that was enough. She uses too much perfume. After several showers I still smell her perfume on me. That's not kosher man, yeesh.

And no, she and I didn't do anything, get your minds out of the gutter.

Don't laugh. I'm seriously considering writing something like this after college. I bet at least some people would be interested in it.

Ok, you can laugh a little...

2 things.

1. Congrats to Bettis for getting that ring and going out like a champ. For shame on Detroit however, for whoring themselves out to him. Didn't exactly make Seattle feel like they had any support (even though I was rooting against them hardcore).

2. Above all else, I am thankful the Patriots weren't there to spoil my night. It was bad enough having to see the ass-ramming Tom Brady up there for the coin toss, but not having to watch the entire New England area get yet another hard-on about how great them and their teams are...well, for that I am thankful.

Then again, should only be another few weeks before they start back with their Red Sox hard-ons. *sigh*

Of late, I haven't mentioned Kristin much in my entries on lj. That's b/c for the most part she's shied away from talking to me much in the advanced advertising class. She just seemed to be acting different, more indifferent, if you will. Things progressed a little more on Wednesday though. She wouldn't sit next to me in class and then she was trying to cause me trouble for my assignment when I went up in front of everyone, asking questions she knew I couldn't answer, that she and I had talked about before class (she knew I wasn't aware of certain things). I thought it was a pretty bitch thing to do, but I figured it was just a bad day. In IMs she'd recently been quiet too. I wondered why, until I checked facebook today. She has a new boyfriend.

This caused me to think about how people behave in relationships. I've noticed this in more and more people. When you're single, they tend to act and treat others one way. But once they begin getting into relationships, especially when those relationships become serious, the person's personality changed. Nothing really happened between Kristin and I to merit her being bitchy to me. yet now that she's in a relationship she's turned close to a 180.

One of my thoughts behind it is that people are just throwing faces out there. When you're single you treat people one way, but act differently when you've got a SO. I've mentioned before how Kristin was playing those mindgames earlier this winter with me. Once that died down it seemed like she wanted to be friends. But maybe she was just using me as an option. Now that she's found someone, no need to remain nice-nice, or something stupid like that.

In some cases though, it's a complete personality reversal. When he was single, my dad was actually relatively enjoyable to be around. He'd do things for himself, cook, wouldn't smoke, etc. But whenever he found someone new to have a relationship with, he reverted back to his shit behavior. in a lot of cases, when a person gets into a relatioship they start distancing themselves from their friends too. I know and understand you've gotta spend good time with someone to make a relatioship work, but in many cases people completely isolate and alienate their friends. It's sad, really.

Part of it's a subconcious thing too, people may not realize they are doing it. I personally don't know if I do/did that. I know I changed a great deal in personality since Amanda and I were together. But I was 16 when it started and 19 when it ended. Of course I was different.

Part of it is that I haven't had a long relationship since then, so I can't really say much on my personal behaviors regarding the subject matter. I can only formulate the above opinions based on others actions. Still, I think it's pretty shitty how people change.

And rarely for the better.

Singles night at the MCA is annoying. Working it is annoying b/c there were over 1500 people there, and most were drunk. It was hard to breathe, let alone move around. and my supervisor (on her last day of the job) was bitchy. Pierre also did not show up. Poseur. My feet hurt and i didn't sleep well last night.

Oh well, at least it's over. Now I can concentrate on important things like...homework. bleh.

So today in advertising class, prof asked us to go up and explain our advertising strategies for whatever company we were doing. I knew I was going on a limb and trying to do something different for the project, so I decided I would volunteer.

I don't know what annoyed me most. The class didn't like the idea, that's fine. they thought the demographic was too wide, and that I skewed too old. I wouldn't disagree with that, but no one seemed to understand that I was trying an older demographic just b/c it'd be fun to work the product (the new ROKR) to a demograhpic outside of 16-25. Whatever the reason, both the prof and the class decided to use my strategy for target practice. I've never seen so many college students jump up in protest of another student's work. It was kinda obnoxious, even the prof admitted they were working me over like a french whore (my words, not his).

I think what annoyed me more than anything though, was the reaction afterwards. all the people criticizing my work (including the prof) were apologizing. I mean, wtf? seriously. I'm not 2 years old. Criticism is constant in life. I volunteered to go up there, and I admittedly went up there with an outside the box mentality, on purpose. If I didn't want the criticism, I would have not volunteered.

Still, it's a college class, not 3rd grade math. I mean, christ. I'm not a fucking pussy. I'm not going to cry b/c people don't like my idea. ESPECIALLY when I'm taking the stupid class pass/fail. even if I get a "fail" it won't affect my GPA, lol. Stupid people. The class is only a means for me to test some ideas out, nothing more.

I had to write a paper tonight on the economic impact of NASCAR on rural areas in the south. I hate economics. I hate NASCAR. I hate hicks. Therefore, hicks are bad people.

Thank you, and goodnight.

So Klaudia IMs me this morning, just after I get out of the shower. Upon finding out I was out of the shower, she starts getting ridiculously flirty. She wanted to know if I was still naked, and claimed she would picture me that way even if I was clothed (which I was, and which I told her). Then she apologizes and blames it on hormones.

As much as I'd like to just chalk it up to her being on meds and it being hormonal...I can't help but think this is just an excuse to be a bitch. I highly doubt she forgot when I asked her out (business euphemisms), and yet she has the nerve to try and play the cock tease with this shit. I suppose if I was still interested in her I'd be gullible enough to start wondering if she really did want to become more than friends. But I know better, and now I think she's just being a titanic bitch. That annoys me to no end.

Also. "Lights and Sounds" by yellowcard is a ripoff of "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay. The music's a little different, but similar enough, and the video is a COMPLETE RIP, imo. I still can't believe a band with as little talent as yellowcard has managed to survive this long. Leave it to the stupidity of teenagers, I guess...

I wanted to write a poem about bizarre ways to get caught masturbating, but I can't think of a funny way to write about it.

I am horrible at translating my sense of humor into writing. BAH!